I have demons in me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
