She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize