1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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