every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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