They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
