How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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