maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
