found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
