The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
