talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
