you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
