just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize