there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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