I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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