my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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