That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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