Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
