I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
