Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she peed on how many people?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
