cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
