Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
