Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
