What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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