just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
