i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
