she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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