I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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