I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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