who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just gift wrapped bread.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
