Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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