Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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