i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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