So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
