Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
