he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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