I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
