This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
