worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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