They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
