My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
