atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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