Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
