She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
