***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
