u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There r osticjed everywhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
