There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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