Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just google imaged poop.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
