hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize