Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line