i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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