jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
