Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
