she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
