why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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