Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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