just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
