i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
