Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm getting married
To pizza
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize