If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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