you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
