I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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