I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize