I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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